Reasons to be Thankful

Lynn and Abigail left in November but Gail stayed on in Kansas for the holiday season. She began her re-acclimation to the USA in 50 degree weather and it was down hill from there (in a good way:) Thanksgiving brought Brian, Will's directly older brother, his first completed marathon and Gail's first snow in a long time. It was just a dusting but made everything sparkle. The Colorado Reno's were in for Thanksgiving so we spent most of our time at Alan and Fran's eating and doing puzzles. Jaycee is in the green hat making her cool dude pose.
Despite having an unfortunate bout with the flu, Thanksgiving was a time to be thankful. I am lucky to have be part of a new, very loving family. I am thankful that Will and I were able to be married and that the Lord continues to provide for my needs. I have struggled during the holidays with the seeming unfairness of our short marriage. I still and will continue to struggle with loosing my best friend, but I still have a home, heat, family, friends, can worship freely and I have a job where I am able to make a living. There a many things for which to be grateful.
While Gail was here she learned that art of biking around Olathe. She opened a bank account and established residency in the USA in order to get her driving permit. We took many trips together to the store and my new favorite place: the chiropractor. Seems with all the lifting and pulling done at work I have altered a few connections in my neck, there has not been a noticeable difference yet I am still hoping. Gail became proficient in the little Nissan 300ZX Fran and Alan (my in-laws) loaned us. There were 3 cars in the driveway since my Honda and Will's Toyota are manual. Gail and I figured we would tackle one thing at a time! She took many a 12 hour day while I was at work to study for the SAT II's. Gail did well on the regular SAT's but has her sights set on Berkley so needed a little extra to make them look her way. Maybe I should send them the photo below of our outing to 'Penguin Park' where a homeowner down the street has tuned their yard into a maze of over 40 large inflatable Christmas decorations, most of which are penguins. We did find the army Santa below. The house is overwhelming due to the sheer number of inflatable figures. The second, third, and fourth snow storms where a bit more substantial allowing Gail to make an impressive snowman. We decorated the house in hundreds of flashing colored lights. I used to like the white lights until Will and I began decorating together. His love of color and fast movement have rubbed off on me making our house this year look 'like Vegas' as one close friend pointed out when they first saw the staircase.

The smell of fresh pine and the fireplace were enjoyed through December. Most of our time out was spent visiting down town KC which is really festive during Thanksgiving and Christmas. The Plaza begins it's light display on Nov 22cnd and lasts through January and they have an outdoor ice skating rink which was a blast!

There was one attempt to sled during the second snow which was more like a mudding and ended unfortunately for the below green sled. Gail continued to try to find somewhere with a hill (Kansas is relatively flat) that did not dump her into a busy intersection. She did find one successful area at the local high school which we will have to try after we get some new sleds!

As the snow began to melt then came the ice which encased power lines and lined roads. We never lost power but did plenty of tip-toeing down the sidewalk. Above is a photo of the Reno's, Gail, and I as we did Christmas baking. Susie has a beautiful kitchen that could fit all of us working together. I will but a disclaimer on my culinary skills but I can still be helpful when it comes time to decorate. Other than that November and December have been months to be with Gail and friends from church, whether it be at the rotating restaurant in on the twenty something floor of the Hyatt or at the local dog park. People continue to be around to love and listen as I continue to learn what it means to live as a widowed child of the living God. He is still alive and isn't that what the season is about.

Merry Merry Christmas to all!

Lions, Tigers, and Monkeys in November

October ended on an excellent note with Lynn, my oldest sister, my niece Abigail, and my little sister Gail coming for a visit. Abigail was able to be here for Halloween and you can see her in the clown outfit her oldest Aunt (me) picked out. It was most ridiculous with a large orange tie but the fabric was the softest in the bunch! We made an effort to have her play with Solomon and Macy but as you can see she was a little shy. We gave candy out until our bowl was empty and my brother-in-law ran to the store to restock. There is not a shortage of children in our neighborhood!Abigail warmed up to her Aunts quite nicely. She is a bundle of personality. Lynn and Jeremy have made it easy to track her growth on the Internet at smithkids.org if anyone is interested in some more footage of my niece. In the strain of connecting those still reading, my parents in Bangladesh had a visit in October from our home church in Nashville. This is the church where Will and I met in 2005 which makes it extra special! Their experiences were beautifully recorded at http://takingupspace.wordpress.com/. Check it out. You can't understand Bangladesh unless you go, but this gives you a good idea. While the girls were here we took a trip to the Louisberg Cider mill and drank hot cider, watched the apples being squashed, and played on the hay bales. Back at home we taught Abigail how to rake:0 With 10 trees in the yard we needed all the help we could get!
The highlight of our outings though, and a darn good excuse to visit Kansas City if you have been looking for one, (since there is a place to stay at 928 East Elizabeth) is the Zoo...

I am not sure if it was the sunshine and gorgeous fall colors or the carousel rides but I am sure it had a lot to do with getting to see a lion and monkeys 3 inches from the glass. It was a frightful site and Abigail was truthfully terrified but the older girls thought it to be pretty fantastic!

We all went to dinner the last night Lynn and Abigail were in Kansas. Abigail liked her special cup filled with water and we all had fun looking at all Bass Pro Shop has to offer. It was a blessing to have the crew here to enjoy the colorful leaves and the great outdoors Kansas does have to offer in the fall.

October

October brought some beautiful fall leaves and different ways to remember Will. A benefit auction for brain tumor research was held by be Head Strong, the same people who organized the race, and they did a wonderful job of remembering those who had passed and continuing in the hope for a cure for those who are still fighting. The photo is from the banquet. On the lines of raising money we were able to raise over five thousand dollars for brain tumor research being done at Duke. The check was written in September after finding out that portion of the treatment that Will had been undergoing that was not covered by the insurance company was going to be covered by the hospital. This was an answer to prayer, many prayers actually.

October

October began with another trip to California bringing a behind the bike trailer for Abigail. She was a smiling rider behind her aunt and mommy!

The trip then led to Hawaii with my cousin Marcelle and her sweet friend from nursing school Lauren....

It truly is as beautiful as the photos with the beaches and palm trees and wonderful sun.....
We ate some wonderful seafood, flew in a helicopter over hot lava, and snorkeled with large and gorgeous turtles.





The flowers were larger than almost believable and more colorful than in Kansas, although Kansas has it's own beauty! It was amazing to see the lava form tunnels in the ground and swim with fish of such amazing varieties.

It made me wonder with all God can make and do, why Will did not get to live longer. It means God's ways really are above mine and His thoughts above mine. (Isaiah 55:9)Until the two meet we and I continue to live and figure out how to celebrate life where ever that might take.

The Next Step

I often am asked the question 'What is the next step?' This of course pertains to life after Will has died. Life long term plans are mostly put off for this time. Plans and dreams that I had all involved Will making life at this point more of a month to month endeavor.

I found my way back to CA in September to see Abigail, Lynn , and Jeremy. The trip consisted mostly of being with family and spending time outside. Some say Abigail takes a little after her Aunt Ruth. There are some things that remind me of stories I have heard. She definitely has spunk. A favorite memory is her running in to the ocean, not wanting to get out even when she had blue lips. The kid loves to have fun.

We visited cousin Marcelle in the city one day........

.......and the grandparents out in Novato another.....

Arriving back in Kansas City I was able to run in a race sponsored but Head for the Cure to raise funds for brain tumor research. Alan and Fran were there to watch and Susie, Brian, Ron, and I ran with the rest of the family cheering us on. I suppose as instinct we all wore our t-shirts from the golf tournament. Next year we may enter as a team. It was a day to remember that I wasn't alone. There were a lot of people there and all had been effected in some way by a brain tumor.

September also brought little Macy Morsman to join her brother Solomon from Ethiopia. Joe and Melanie were a great source of support while Will was battling cancer and now they have another little one making their family full with six kids. It has been sweet to see her grow.

Football season would not have been complete without a trip to Manhattan to see some K-state football. Molly and Adam who continue to be such sweet friends took me along this year to Will's Alma mater. Last year Will and I were there together. There is not much that happens were I don't have a thought of Will coming to mind. September led right into October but in so many ways life for me still in May yet somehow God does give the grace to make it just through the day. .

Summertime

Greetings to all! I think the last blog of any worth information wise, I had just returned from the trip to India and was on the way to teach VBS for the week. There was a bit of natural trepidation transporting third graders but the class was such a blessing. They came every morning (sometimes screaming) 'Vacation Bible School is so cool.' Made me excited to be there. Theologically it was perfect for the stage I am at in understanding who God is and why he does what he does. (Not that I understand) There were short verses to memorize and even shorter truths to remind us what God is like. God is good. God is strong. God is with us.....

I can't remember the sequence if it was before or after VBS....I think before but we held the first ever Willis P. Memorial Golf tournament. In 2006, when Will was first diagnosed with brain cancer, some of his bothers and sisters went golfing. I think that really was the first ever Willis P Golf Tournament. We put that picture right next to Will's bed in rehab. They had three fingers making a W.

Will would have loved to just ride in the golf cart for this tournament. There were about 80 of his friends and family tooling around a reserved golf course. It was the first time I had ever golfed (minus Will and my trip to the driving range) and it can be said that I did not golf under 100! Actually I am not sure if I would have made it through the course if it had not been a scramble. My friend Emily Ann came in and used Will's clubs. We had a wonderful day. It was a day to remember Will and do some golfing which he loved. I learned though that it was a quiet sport, at least when people are teeing off. There is so much to learn......



The next week I caught a plane to Colorado and rented a car to travel down to Gunnison for the Reno family reunion. They have a reunion every two years but since Will was not able to come last year, they planned one for this summer. It was a hard but sweet. Sweet time being with so many people who loved and missed Will. Hard because he wasn't there. He continues to be missed daily. Will would have been proud as his brothers, dad. and nephews taught me how to shoot a shotgun and gave me credit for hitting more clay pigeons than I did:)

His nephew, niece, sister and brother-in-law were baptised in the river near the Reno's houses. The scenery was amazing and we spent most of the days outdoors. The fourth of July fireworks displays reminded me of the first time Will put his arm around me at the fireworks display in Nashville by the river. His brothers and I ran in a race nearby the cabins in Crested Butte that morning. It was a wonderful week with people who have become family.

I came home and started work on the 9th of July. My co-workers and some of my patients even have been caring and considerate, sweet and thoughtful....yet it is a return to 'normal' life without Will. A new kind of normal. Getting used to this slowly. Being in the world and not of the world is always a challenge. I knew having Will to go home to was a huge source of joy; but I did not know to the extent until he has not been there. Loving the unlovely and caring for those in need. That is much of my prayer these days. I am sometimes the unlovely:)

The grave marker was placed shortly before my 25th birthday. I was leaving for Nashville and able to see it before I took a small vacation. In some ways seeing the marker with my husband's name makes his death more real and in so many others it is most unreal. I look at the door expecting Will to come home, or wonder after a day at work if he is going to call. He is still here, in my heart, as cliche as that may sound.

The trip to Nashville was a great time to see some wonderful friends and just have time to be with people who have know me for a long time. I missed seeing quite a few friends which is why I will have to go back in the not too far future. Gail, my little sister, is coming to live with me in KC so maybe we will be able to make a trip together. Below is a photo of the best caramel cake I have ever had and Emily Ann with some balloons which made me smile after a late night trek to Tennessee. It is good to have friends who love you and who you love. That is a gift from the Lord.



Other than work I have been trying to get myself invited to the lake as frequently as possible. Besides a friend cracking three of his ribs and a collapsing his lung it has been a great source of joy. Linda and John have been more than generous in taking me out on their boat. We were able to take my nephew out and teach him how to ski for the first time. He did a super job and was a quick learner. I wished Will was there to see him get up! If it is not obvious I think and miss Will all the time. There seem to always be a remembrance of something we did together, wanted to do in the future, or I wish he was there to do. It was such a blessing to have him in my life. I know that is grace. Truth is what there is to focus on now.