The April Edition

This is a bit late I acknowledge but it will get the journey caught up through April. It starts in December when I was able to spend the Christmas holidays with my sisters and parents. As you can see Abigail looked precious in her Christmas red dress! It was great to be with family.

Shortly after it was back to good o' Kansas and then to none other than the Caribbean. What a wonderful trip! I was with Rebekah, my best friend from college, and her family for the week. I am not sure that there could have been more perfect weather or better fellowship. It was a good break from the winter weather.

On the way back to KC I stayed the night in Nashville, a long layover and was able to see my 91 year-old Mau Mau, my Mommy, Betsie, the Searles, Selphs, all at CBC, Aunt Les.....

It was great to be with friends. At the end of January my dad came for the week. We mainly did things around the house like cleaning out the basement and addressing letters. Not as many photo opportunities but we did get one at the airport in front of a picture of the famous fountains in KC. Did you know KC was the city of the fountains? Another fun fact :)

In February the whole crew headed out to Tahoe for a skiing trip. Gail's (my little sister) boyfriend came from Scotland and did a really good job on the slopes. The scenery in Tahoe truly is breathtaking.

End of February and March rolled around and I was stationary in KC. One good memory is when my neighbor/friend's kids (who is also my pastor and pastor's wife) and I went to the dog park with Molly's brother's gigantic dog. The dog was much more afraid of the kids then they were of him which we did not expect. They all had a good time rolling around but since it is a dog park we tried to get the kids to stay on two feet. Jane the youngest and Molly and Maggie are in the photos below, you can only see Kate's feet.

In March Molly's husband Adam turned 30. I must be getting older because 30 does not seem that old to me. It was sweet to get to be here to celebrate. They have been such faithful friends to walk through life with me after Will's death.

We really don't grow up in so many ways, hence the group picture complete with bunny ears. Some say loss gets easier as time passes. It seems like in my life it get harder, days turn into weeks into months and I am faced with my loss every day. Will made day-to-day living exciting and fun. Now I have little idea of where and what to do yet. I just keep trucking along. Many of you received a letter with many of my thoughts. I will refrain from being repetitive here.

The next visit come from my mom. She was able to be here the last week of March to the first weeks in April. We were able to spend some time with the Reno's and polish our CLUE skills.

Mom was able to help me host my first baby shower for a friend at church. Lisa is Russ's wife who is my pastor and they live down the street. Their kids went with Molly and I to the dog park. She is below with my mom.

Here is the group, Abigail in the green is the one who is expecting....Will it be a boy or a girl?

This is the 'after party' with Russ, Jane, and Kate. Lucky for me Russ, Lisa, and the kids live 13 houses down and can come visit just for cake!

Mom and I spent a day in downtown KC, Union Station is really interesting to walk around and we were able to check out the the Bodies Reveled exhibit, not recommended for the squeamish but a real testimony to the intricate creation our bodies are. The WWI museum is on the list for the next visitor.

Mom and I ate at Oklahoma Joe's, I motivated by the tasty fries not the BBQ and worked on the beginnings of a t-shirt quilt combining Will and my t-shirts to cover a blanket from my child hood. It is a simple design but I am really excited to see the finished product. Mom graciously took it back to CA with her so Lynn can sew the squares together. I can't wait to see the finished product!

Reasons to be Thankful

Lynn and Abigail left in November but Gail stayed on in Kansas for the holiday season. She began her re-acclimation to the USA in 50 degree weather and it was down hill from there (in a good way:) Thanksgiving brought Brian, Will's directly older brother, his first completed marathon and Gail's first snow in a long time. It was just a dusting but made everything sparkle. The Colorado Reno's were in for Thanksgiving so we spent most of our time at Alan and Fran's eating and doing puzzles. Jaycee is in the green hat making her cool dude pose.
Despite having an unfortunate bout with the flu, Thanksgiving was a time to be thankful. I am lucky to have be part of a new, very loving family. I am thankful that Will and I were able to be married and that the Lord continues to provide for my needs. I have struggled during the holidays with the seeming unfairness of our short marriage. I still and will continue to struggle with loosing my best friend, but I still have a home, heat, family, friends, can worship freely and I have a job where I am able to make a living. There a many things for which to be grateful.
While Gail was here she learned that art of biking around Olathe. She opened a bank account and established residency in the USA in order to get her driving permit. We took many trips together to the store and my new favorite place: the chiropractor. Seems with all the lifting and pulling done at work I have altered a few connections in my neck, there has not been a noticeable difference yet I am still hoping. Gail became proficient in the little Nissan 300ZX Fran and Alan (my in-laws) loaned us. There were 3 cars in the driveway since my Honda and Will's Toyota are manual. Gail and I figured we would tackle one thing at a time! She took many a 12 hour day while I was at work to study for the SAT II's. Gail did well on the regular SAT's but has her sights set on Berkley so needed a little extra to make them look her way. Maybe I should send them the photo below of our outing to 'Penguin Park' where a homeowner down the street has tuned their yard into a maze of over 40 large inflatable Christmas decorations, most of which are penguins. We did find the army Santa below. The house is overwhelming due to the sheer number of inflatable figures. The second, third, and fourth snow storms where a bit more substantial allowing Gail to make an impressive snowman. We decorated the house in hundreds of flashing colored lights. I used to like the white lights until Will and I began decorating together. His love of color and fast movement have rubbed off on me making our house this year look 'like Vegas' as one close friend pointed out when they first saw the staircase.

The smell of fresh pine and the fireplace were enjoyed through December. Most of our time out was spent visiting down town KC which is really festive during Thanksgiving and Christmas. The Plaza begins it's light display on Nov 22cnd and lasts through January and they have an outdoor ice skating rink which was a blast!

There was one attempt to sled during the second snow which was more like a mudding and ended unfortunately for the below green sled. Gail continued to try to find somewhere with a hill (Kansas is relatively flat) that did not dump her into a busy intersection. She did find one successful area at the local high school which we will have to try after we get some new sleds!

As the snow began to melt then came the ice which encased power lines and lined roads. We never lost power but did plenty of tip-toeing down the sidewalk. Above is a photo of the Reno's, Gail, and I as we did Christmas baking. Susie has a beautiful kitchen that could fit all of us working together. I will but a disclaimer on my culinary skills but I can still be helpful when it comes time to decorate. Other than that November and December have been months to be with Gail and friends from church, whether it be at the rotating restaurant in on the twenty something floor of the Hyatt or at the local dog park. People continue to be around to love and listen as I continue to learn what it means to live as a widowed child of the living God. He is still alive and isn't that what the season is about.

Merry Merry Christmas to all!

Lions, Tigers, and Monkeys in November

October ended on an excellent note with Lynn, my oldest sister, my niece Abigail, and my little sister Gail coming for a visit. Abigail was able to be here for Halloween and you can see her in the clown outfit her oldest Aunt (me) picked out. It was most ridiculous with a large orange tie but the fabric was the softest in the bunch! We made an effort to have her play with Solomon and Macy but as you can see she was a little shy. We gave candy out until our bowl was empty and my brother-in-law ran to the store to restock. There is not a shortage of children in our neighborhood!Abigail warmed up to her Aunts quite nicely. She is a bundle of personality. Lynn and Jeremy have made it easy to track her growth on the Internet at smithkids.org if anyone is interested in some more footage of my niece. In the strain of connecting those still reading, my parents in Bangladesh had a visit in October from our home church in Nashville. This is the church where Will and I met in 2005 which makes it extra special! Their experiences were beautifully recorded at http://takingupspace.wordpress.com/. Check it out. You can't understand Bangladesh unless you go, but this gives you a good idea. While the girls were here we took a trip to the Louisberg Cider mill and drank hot cider, watched the apples being squashed, and played on the hay bales. Back at home we taught Abigail how to rake:0 With 10 trees in the yard we needed all the help we could get!
The highlight of our outings though, and a darn good excuse to visit Kansas City if you have been looking for one, (since there is a place to stay at 928 East Elizabeth) is the Zoo...

I am not sure if it was the sunshine and gorgeous fall colors or the carousel rides but I am sure it had a lot to do with getting to see a lion and monkeys 3 inches from the glass. It was a frightful site and Abigail was truthfully terrified but the older girls thought it to be pretty fantastic!

We all went to dinner the last night Lynn and Abigail were in Kansas. Abigail liked her special cup filled with water and we all had fun looking at all Bass Pro Shop has to offer. It was a blessing to have the crew here to enjoy the colorful leaves and the great outdoors Kansas does have to offer in the fall.

October

October brought some beautiful fall leaves and different ways to remember Will. A benefit auction for brain tumor research was held by be Head Strong, the same people who organized the race, and they did a wonderful job of remembering those who had passed and continuing in the hope for a cure for those who are still fighting. The photo is from the banquet. On the lines of raising money we were able to raise over five thousand dollars for brain tumor research being done at Duke. The check was written in September after finding out that portion of the treatment that Will had been undergoing that was not covered by the insurance company was going to be covered by the hospital. This was an answer to prayer, many prayers actually.

October

October began with another trip to California bringing a behind the bike trailer for Abigail. She was a smiling rider behind her aunt and mommy!

The trip then led to Hawaii with my cousin Marcelle and her sweet friend from nursing school Lauren....

It truly is as beautiful as the photos with the beaches and palm trees and wonderful sun.....
We ate some wonderful seafood, flew in a helicopter over hot lava, and snorkeled with large and gorgeous turtles.





The flowers were larger than almost believable and more colorful than in Kansas, although Kansas has it's own beauty! It was amazing to see the lava form tunnels in the ground and swim with fish of such amazing varieties.

It made me wonder with all God can make and do, why Will did not get to live longer. It means God's ways really are above mine and His thoughts above mine. (Isaiah 55:9)Until the two meet we and I continue to live and figure out how to celebrate life where ever that might take.

The Next Step

I often am asked the question 'What is the next step?' This of course pertains to life after Will has died. Life long term plans are mostly put off for this time. Plans and dreams that I had all involved Will making life at this point more of a month to month endeavor.

I found my way back to CA in September to see Abigail, Lynn , and Jeremy. The trip consisted mostly of being with family and spending time outside. Some say Abigail takes a little after her Aunt Ruth. There are some things that remind me of stories I have heard. She definitely has spunk. A favorite memory is her running in to the ocean, not wanting to get out even when she had blue lips. The kid loves to have fun.

We visited cousin Marcelle in the city one day........

.......and the grandparents out in Novato another.....

Arriving back in Kansas City I was able to run in a race sponsored but Head for the Cure to raise funds for brain tumor research. Alan and Fran were there to watch and Susie, Brian, Ron, and I ran with the rest of the family cheering us on. I suppose as instinct we all wore our t-shirts from the golf tournament. Next year we may enter as a team. It was a day to remember that I wasn't alone. There were a lot of people there and all had been effected in some way by a brain tumor.

September also brought little Macy Morsman to join her brother Solomon from Ethiopia. Joe and Melanie were a great source of support while Will was battling cancer and now they have another little one making their family full with six kids. It has been sweet to see her grow.

Football season would not have been complete without a trip to Manhattan to see some K-state football. Molly and Adam who continue to be such sweet friends took me along this year to Will's Alma mater. Last year Will and I were there together. There is not much that happens were I don't have a thought of Will coming to mind. September led right into October but in so many ways life for me still in May yet somehow God does give the grace to make it just through the day. .